Beginning Again
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
Image Credit @AaronBurden
Typically, I like new beginnings. A new beginning can provide an opportunity to do it better next time, to start over, or maybe experience a new adventure.
A new beginning, though, can be a dreaded time, especially if the situation is not of one’s choosing, like facing the death of a spouse or family member, experiencing the break-up of a relationship, losing one’s job, being separated from loved ones, or learning there will be more rounds of medical appointments and treatment. A typical question would be, ”Why can’t things be like they have always been?”
A new beginning might be a choice, but even then, there can be challenges: “What if this doesn’t turn out like I expected it would?” Doubt and fear take center stage, with the ultimate question arising, “How am I going to get through this?” How do you begin again when you’re devastated, depleted, sad, overwhelmed, and exhausted?
Whether beginning again is one of our choosing or not, there are always challenges. My husband and I respond very differently when faced with challenges, threats, or danger. My reaction is flight: I want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head. I want to run away. His response is to fight, become more determined, and use that positive anger and energy to do everything he can to improve the situation. He takes action. I envy his ability to do that.
The “fight or flight” acute stress response is textbook and well-known to most. The Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn Response may not be as well-known.
Fight: We can face perceived or actual threats aggressively.
Flight: We can run away.
Freeze: We can be unable to move or act.
Fawn: We can attempt to avoid conflict by being helpful and agreeable, to our detriment (typically prominent in people who grew up in abusive situations).
We may have experienced all of these responses at one time or another, whether in acute or chronic stress situations. All of these responses can be relevant to beginning again, whether starting a new job, relationship, or treatment protocol.
The easy thing to do is give in to doubt, fear, and despair. The harder thing to do is to live fully every day – not to let one’s joy be consumed by anger, isolation, immobilization, or self-deprivation.
The following poem I wrote several years ago reminds me, yet again, why beginning again is necessary and that it’s a choice:
Beginning Again
May the path rise up to meet you,
May you never be alone.
May you find the peace you’re seeking
And a place you are at home.
May you learn from roads you’ve traveled,
May you cherish moments past,
Letting go of things that bind you,
Walking on with hope at last.
May you never cease to wonder
At the newness of each day.
May you light the path for others
Who will also come this way.
May your journey bring you wisdom
That comes from pain and loss.
May you choose to love another
Aware of what it costs.
May you seek out new beginnings,
But remember who you are.
Holding onto what sustains you
As you travel near and far.
Begin again with passion,
Make joy and sorrow friends.
Live your life with purpose
For love shared never ends.
Sherry Hendricks Martin
©2006
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