Learning To Live Without Fear
“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.”
Looking back, I suspect I lived a good portion of my life in chronic fear… fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of disappointing someone, fear of others’ opinions, fear of financial dependency or ruin, fear of being homeless, fear of deep water, and those are the fears that immediately come to mind.
Others have faced bigger fears…fear of losing a loved one, fear of being alone, fear of a catastrophic illness, disfigurement or life-changing disability, fear of pain, fear of domestic violence and lack of safety, and for many, the greatest fear of all, fear of death. I believe we all have fears, some we’ve acknowledged and some we haven’t. What’s important is not whose fear is bigger and harder, but how much control fear has over your life.
Fear can be huge and immobilizing, like the anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, which is an intense, irrational fear of being in unfamiliar environments, often resulting in the inability to leave one’s home. Fear can be a small nagging feeling that won’t go away. Both can dominate one’s daily functioning.
Fear, however, can play a supportive role in our lives by motivating us into action and helping us take care of ourselves. Fear of becoming a diabetic can be a motivation to eat a healthy diet. Fear of becoming stranded in a blizzard is motivation to not travel during a winter weather advisory. It’s not in our best interests, or maybe even possible, to totally live without fear. So, a more accurate title for this blog would be, “Learning to Live Without Fear Controlling My Life,” because fear can prevent us from living life to the fullest extent possible.
Mário de Andrade, Brazilian poet and a founder of Brazilian modernism, shares these beautiful words from his poem, My Soul Has a Hat, about living life with purpose and intent:
I counted my years and realized that I have less time to live by, than I have lived so far. I feel like a child who won a package of candies: at first, he ate them with pleasure, but when he realized that there was little left, he began to taste them intensely.
I no longer have time for endless meetings where statute, rules, procedures and internal regulations are discussed, knowing nothing will be done.
I no longer have the patience to stand absurd people who, despite their chronological age, have not grown up. My time is too short: I want the essence; my spirit is in a hurry. I do not have much candy in the package anymore.
I want to live next to humans, very realistic people, who know how to laugh at their mistakes, who are not inflated by their own triumphs and who take responsibility for their actions. In this way, human dignity is defended and we live in truth and honesty. It is the essentials that make life useful.
I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch the hearts of those whom hard strokes of life have learned to grow with sweet touches of the soul.
Yes, I’m in a hurry, I’m rushing to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I do not intend to waste any of the remaining desserts. I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied and in peace with my loved ones and my conscience.
We have two lives and the second one starts when you realize you only have one.
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