The Scary Times
“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”
Image credit @rosieblamey
Some people like scaring themselves to death…you know, scary movies, zip-lining, and thrilling and heart-pounding amusement rides. Those have never been appealing to me, although I have daughters who love that type of thing. We experience those activities differently. For me, those are frightening, scary times to be avoided at all costs; for them, eagerly sought experiences.
Many scary times are neither sought nor enjoyed, and we hope to avoid them – like a cancer diagnosis, unemployment, an accident, homelessness, and domestic violence. But scary times happen, and the common denominator is fear – fear of the unknown, fear of financial ruin, fear of death, fear of pain, and fear of dependency, to name a few. The scary times can immobilize us, diminish us, and overwhelm us. Coping with scary times is a matter of finding a way to get through them and managing the anxiety, fear, and uncertainty.
When I feel anxious or scared, I have “go-to” strategies that help me feel less anxious. Mine include reading a novel, in-depth cleaning (focusing on a task at hand and seeing results), playing a game on my phone (distraction), raking pine needles (physical activity), watching my favorite college football team, crocheting (concentrating on the pattern), meditative coloring (getting lost in the colors and designs), getting accurate information, or talking through my fears with a friend or family member. These are just a few I use. My first order of business is to recognize when I’m feeling anxious or fearful and decide which coping strategy or strategies to activate. Coping strategies are unique and personal – meaning my coping strategies won’t be yours. Your physical coping strategy might be hiking or tennis. Your distraction might be watching a movie or cooking. Retail therapy, a bubble bath, journaling, or prayer may be effective for you. Each of us must decide what activity or technique is therapeutic in reducing feelings of helplessness and fear.
For severe anxiety and panic attacks, grounding techniques are helpful as a “go-to” strategy for managing solid emotions or traumatic memories. There are several grounding techniques, but one of the most familiar is the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique. This technique uses the five senses and works like this: Name five things you can see. Focus on four things you can feel (sun, wind, fabric, etc.). Name three things you can hear. Identify two things you can smell. Focus on one thing you can taste or a taste that you like. If you (like me) have trouble remembering this sequence, a simpler one is the 333 Rule: Name three things you can see. Name three things you can hear. Move three parts of your body (ankles, fingers, toes, etc.).
Deep breathing is another calming technique that helps manage the emotional and physical reactions of feeling scared. I remember a therapist telling me that when she taught clients the benefits of deep breathing and how to use the technique to manage anxiety, some would be skeptical of the efficacy because it was such a simple activity. She said, “I think they were expecting something more complicated and questioned whether something so easy would be effective.”
Complex techniques are not required to manage the scary times. Distraction (so simple) is a great technique. Physical activity works. Getting accurate information works (rather than assuming or going down rabbit holes). Completing tasks (that you can focus on) works. You might not be able to concentrate on reading a novel, but you can shred that stack of documents. The key is to find what works for you.
It takes courage to face scary times. Typically, we see others as courageous but not ourselves. But we are. It takes courage to start a new venture or a new relationship. It takes courage to go to the cancer center and begin new treatments. Courage is facing fear, maybe being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
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