What Did You Learn?
“Life is a journey, one that takes us many places and teaches us many things. The lessons we learn on the journey make us who we are.”
She told me the story of her grandson’s death. He was five and the favorite of her four grandchildren. It was a tragic accident – too horrifying to recount the details here. She shared those details in my Beginning Again grief group a year after his death. Even though it was many years ago, I’ll never forget her story. And I will never forget her response to his death.
“I never want to experience that kind of pain again,” she said, and she chose to distance herself from her other grandchildren. Not only did the grandchildren lose their brother, but their grandmother as well. What lesson might she have learned from her loss? To cherish every moment with her family…or to build a wall to protect herself from future hurt? She chose the latter.
With every life experience, there’s a lesson to be learned, and how we respond determines who we are and how we live life. There are risks and rewards in every interaction, every decision, and every relationship.
For cancer patients, the risks include experiencing unwanted treatment side effects, feeling helpless and vulnerable, and being consumed by fear. The rewards include possible remission, possible cure, and retaining as much control as possible by taking an active role in one’s healthcare. What did you learn from your cancer diagnosis? To feel victimized and immobilized by fear or to reevaluate what’s important and spend time with those you love and what you love to do?
The risks for those taking the exam or seeking a new job include not making the cut, feeling like a failure, and thoughts of not being good enough. The rewards include a sense of competency, achievement, and new opportunities. What did you learn from going for something new? To never experience failure or rejection again or to acknowledge your effort, try again (if need be), and relish the accomplishment?
The risks for those in a relationship include being hurt, rejection, and the possibility of being alone. The rewards include intimacy, companionship, and shared activities and interests. What did you learn from your relationship? To never allow anyone to know the real you or to be authentic and know those who care about you will accept you as you are?
On a lighter note, for those in the fast check-out lane, the risk is there will be someone ahead whose item isn’t priced or who has more items than allowed, and therefore, it’s not the fast lane. The reward is the process will be quick and easy. What did you learn from the fast check-out lane? To never use it because people don’t follow the 15-items-or-less guideline or to practice patience because it’s sometimes not quick and easy?
How we respond to life events is a choice. The grandmother chose to close her heart to the grandchildren she had. Unfortunately, painful and difficult circumstances will happen and often result in feelings of anger, fear, chronic anxiety, and withdrawal when focusing solely on the event. A more productive response would be to ask, “What is this teaching me? What can I learn from this?”
Our life experiences can teach us to be bitter or better, greedy or grateful, cynical or sincere, depressed or determined. The lessons we learn make us who we are. What did you learn?
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