I love gardening tools, and painting tools, and “fix it” tools. To this day, one of my favorite activities is to wander around a hardware store. I’m fascinated by the vast displays of tools for every occasion and circumstance. And every time, I’m reminded that I need the proper tool to get a job done efficiently without injuring myself or damaging the project. I love it when I can accomplish all three and consider the effort wildly successful.

I remember like it was last week when I rang the doorbell. My Mom came to the door. She greeted me pleasantly, and I knew she had no idea who I was. I was in my 40s; she was in her 70s. When my dad could no longer care for her, she ultimately spent years in a nursing home and passed away when she was 85. I value that those who cared for her there respected her and seemed to know who she was and who she had been...kind, compassionate, generous, gracious, non-judgmental, understanding, and accepting of everyone.

I grew up in a family that valued a religious affiliation. I spent most of my life in church-related activities as a young person and for much of my adult life. Many of those experiences were positive; some were hurtful.

I clearly remember her – not her name, but her…the patient on the oncology unit who talked wistfully about her long-standing desire to take art classes, specifically painting classes, when she retired. I was 45 years old when we met, and I made myself a promise that day. I vowed then not to wait until I no longer had kids at home, was older, retired, financially comfortable, or thought I had enough discretionary time to do fun, enjoyable, interesting, or mind-stretching activities. I wouldn’t wait.

Typically, I like new beginnings. A new beginning can provide an opportunity to do it better next time, to start over, or maybe experience a new adventure.

There is always a choice, and sometimes the options are clear. But many times, the best way forward is unclear. Making any decision, for some, feels too difficult and results in procrastinating or not making a decision. A well-known American theologian, Harvey Cox, said, “Not to decide is to decide.” So, indecision is the decision.

There are times when irreconcilable circumstances happen – things that can’t be undone, like a cancer diagnosis, a tragic accident, or words that were said but can’t be unsaid. Each leaves a wound. Amid such difficulty, it can feel like a marathon that never ends.

Transitions can be complex. We become accustomed to roles we had, some for many years…partner, parent, employee, healthy person. But circumstances change: a relationship falls apart, children leave home, employment is terminated, and a healthy person suddenly becomes a patient.

I am fascinated by how one’s age impacts so many things: how you view yourself, how you think others see you, and how both affect one’s mental outlook. My husband has a saying, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”