How many times have you talked with someone and realized they completely missed the point of what you shared? Few things feel better than someone hearing you, not just hearing the words, but hearing your struggle, frustration, or fear.

Do you know how many books are written about and even titled “The Art of Conversation?” There are so many. I have read about the two rules of having a conversation, four stages, five principles, five elements, five rules, nine tips, and of course, the golden rule of conversation (not interrupting while someone else is talking). I didn’t think conversations were that complicated or needed to be.

The Holidays in November and December provide a myriad of opportunities for both joy and sadness. I used to believe The Holidays were a time of joy for everyone, filled with happy family gatherings, with bounties of food and gifts for all. And sometimes that is reality, but frequently it isn’t.

I didn’t know there was a difference between being thankful and being grateful, but evidently there is. Being thankful is contingent upon something that occurred – a situation or another’s action, a gift, or kindness. Being grateful is an attitude or way of life, focusing on what is good instead of what is missing. In other words, being thankful is a response while being grateful is a choice.

The Japanese concept of Ikigai (pronounced ee key guy) translates to a “reason for being,” or “reason to get up in the morning,” and is comparable to the likely more familiar French term raison d’etre. The literal translation of Ikigai is the “happiness of being busy.”

I know I can't call her for the recipe. I started to. I know I can't call to tell her the cutest thing my daughter just did. I know there's no need to set an extra plate for dinner. I know he's not here to teach my husband his woodworking skills, and I hate all of that. I know. Yet, my heart tells me to call, to talk, to share, to learn.

I always liked asking participants in the support groups I led, “What is your favorite season of the year?” or “What was your favorite age?” You learn a lot about people with those questions. Most everyone had a preferred season, and some had a preferred age, stating, for example, they “loved being in their 30’s, when the kids were little.” Others said they enjoyed all the seasons and liked their current age.

She told me the story of her grandson’s death. He was five and the favorite of her four grandchildren. It was a tragic accident – too horrifying to recount the details here. She shared those details in my Beginning Again grief group a year after his death. Even though it was many years ago, I’ll never forget her story. And I will never forget her response to his death.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines “back to basics” as returning to the simple and most important things. Another definition suggests it’s paying attention to the simplest and most important matters after ignoring them for a while.

Samia Hasan is a career development coach for millennials and has outlined tips related to simplifying life and getting back to basics. I think they’re relevant to all of us, especially after being confronted with a life-threatening diagnosis or other traumatic life event. Here are her suggestions and my thoughts about each.

Looking back, I suspect I lived a good portion of my life in chronic fear… fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of disappointing someone, fear of others’ opinions, fear of financial dependency or ruin, fear of being homeless, fear of deep water, and those are the fears that immediately come to mind.